Greetings from Austin!
Actually, would you mind giving Austin and me a few moments of privacy, please? We need to have words.
Austin, what the hell? You’re a cool town, I want you to know that. I really dig your scene and you’ve got a wonderfully friendly skeeball bar. I wasn’t here for SxSW, but I heard it was an all out shitshow, in the best possible way, and I’m super glad to hear that about you.
But you have GOT to be kidding me with how hard it is to drive here, man. Seriously, Austin? SERIOUSLY? I just dragged my ass from El Paso, and I’m pretty sure everyone you’ve ever met has told you this, Austin, but East Texas is a gorgeous but unrelenting oppressively expansive stretch of land. You would hope that after nine hours of two lane highway like the crack of humanity between the unending buttcheeks of the southwest, I would be rewarded by a breezy little freeway way trip into the city. The capitol city, no less, with a capitol building larger than the federal government’s (Texas, I don’t even have the time or wherewithal right now to discuss your superiority complex). But do I get that, Austin? Do I get to cruise those last 30 minutes after cruising 500 miles in a day? No, ya smug dipstick, I have to suffer through stoplights and arbitrary highway changes in the middle of podunk towns on the outskirts of your city limit, stopping and going 80 different times in what should be the easiest part of this drive. And then, and THEN Austin, once I actually get into the city limits, you go into a freeway spaz for all with onramps and exits crisscrossing each other like a spider orgy. That’s messed up, Austin. That’s messed up, and I’m pretty sure you know it.
Like I said, still think you’re a great town and I’m totally excited to check out the food trucks today, maybe order some East African food or something. Just, maybe try to figure out an easier way for traffic from the 290 to get into the freaking city, ok? Ok, good talk.
Alright, sorry about that guys, just had to straighten some things out with my current city. I spent two nights ago in El Paso, seeing a fellow Former Jesuit Volunteer (FJV). Fun part of the day- about 50 miles outside of El Paso, there is a border patrol check point, where I was asked to step out of the car so a drug sniffing dog could inspect my trunk (I did ask that they could put my pillow in the back seat before a dog stepped all over it, and they obliged after giving me weird stares… inconsiderate punks. Yeah, dude, maybe you should notice that there are personal items in that trunk over which you are giving your dog free reign. Rude). I think my favorite part was when the officer asked me where I was headed and I told him, “Uhhh, all over. I’m on a road trip.” I probably would have arrested me at that point, but obviously they didn’t (or maybe they did and they let me use the internet while I’m being detained, you’ll never know). I have no idea what could have set the dogs off, but I suspect that living in the haze of San Francisco has just let the stench of marijuana seep in the the very fiber of my car. I mean, she’s already trippin’. Am I right?
Next stop is McAllen to see an old roommate and then back up to Houston for what is rumored to be an FJV reunion shake down. Or whatever you kids call big parties these days.
Oh, and New Mexico? I don’t care how many roadside billboards you put up, the Continental Divide Trading Post will NEVER be Wall Drug.
Ohh, look at all these stats. Try not to drool on your computer, it can be really bad for laptops.
Day 4 (San Diego to Phoenix)
Miles traveled: 379
Total miles traveled: 951
Gallons purchased: 8.410
Adele songs heard: 2
Total Adele songs heard: 6
Dana (Sister, LS: Christmas)
Jon (Brother in Law, LS: Christmas)
Hans (Dog- Dana would insist he be included. I’m rolling my eyes right with you, LS: Christmas)
Day 6 (Phoenix to El Paso)
Miles traveled: 407
Total miles traveled: 1358
MPG: 37.4 (AWWWWW YEEAAAH!)
Gallons purchased: 9.959
Adele songs heard: 5
Total Adele songs heard: 11
People Seen (reminder, FJV = Former Jesuit Volunteer and LS = Last Seen)
Laura (FJV, LS: July ’11)
Day 7 (El Paso to Austin)
Miles traveled: 579
Total miles traveled: 1937
Gallons purchased: 6.916 (I’m almost on empty right now)
Adele songs heard: 2
Total Adele songs heard: 13
Rachel (FJV, LS: 7/11)
Pamela (FJV, LS: 7/11)
Joel (FJV, LS: 7/11)
Various skeeballers of Austin, never before seen