So Helplessly Dorky

I received a text this morning informing me that my cousin is engaged. The shock that my mother was actually able to send a text message wore off just as the shock of the actual news hit me like the whiplash from the Balrog in The Fellowship of the Rings. This is my cousin who is precisely one month older than me. My math and logic skills are rusty (I’m too funny for numbers…obviously), but I believe this makes me old enough to be married. Well, technically I still have a month. However, given my present situation and the fact that I throw out LOTR references like the one above, I don’t think that one month is going to be enough time (Now, was that a remark about how if she’s making dorky comments then she’s not mature enough to be in a committed relationship or just so dorky she’ll never land a man? Does it make a difference?)

It’s not that I’m trying to race my cousin, or even my friends who almost all seem to be in wonderful long term relationships. As I’ve said before, I’m content with being awesome, I mean, single (same difference). This is just, like, totally mind blowing, dude. Obviously this is a life-shift for my cousin. I’ve lived through my share of life-shifts, but unlike graduation, this one seems a bit more abrupt and less predictable. During college, the Dean’s office had me on a specific timeline for four years and then shoved me out (they may have put a hold on my registration because I had too many units. I’m sorry, UC Davis, I JUST LOVE LEARNING), along with most of my friends. But relationships and marriage? Yeah, I’ve got no clue on any of that. And there’s no office full of advisors with charts of which courses to take during which quarters AND helpful office hours for those classes. “Hey professor, so I gave a guy my number and he hasn’t called yet. I know it hasn’t been a week yet, but what what were the chapters on the appropriate way to respond to this, especially if I’d really like to hear from him? And, if I bring in a text three days before it’s due, would you review it for me? Aw gee, thanks.” But no, it’s all slap-dash and inconsistent from one day to the next. No plans, no fore warning about when there’s going to be a final or a term paper due. What’s the point of being an overachiever if I have no control over this part of my life?

Wait a minute. What was I talking about? I started this post talking about my cousin getting married and then slipped off into some daydream about a dating university. See, this is what happens when people the same age as me get married. It gets into my head and makes me lose focus. Snap out of it, Mello!

And think about the bright side. Yeah yeah yeah, I’ll be getting a new cousin-in-law who is a wonderful girl, fits in really well with our family, and makes my cousin happy. But more importantly, I get to go to another wedding!

Yay, pretty dresses and dancing and champagne and…finding a date?

D’OH!

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About Maggie

Hilarious drifter. Well groomed bum.
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